Five More Years Under the Sun

I always started my mornings with an apple and a run. That day, I ran with one foot in front of the other. On the way back, I got into my little electric car which drove like a car. Outside, the scenery went by, the streets calm and lonely. A jogger flashed in front of my eyes. Interesting that she was wearing the exact same clothing as I … My foot touched the accelerator pedal, I closed my eyes for a second, and we bumped. I got out to fix the triangle while the car’s flashing lights blinked. When I dared to look out front, there appeared to no longer be any trace of her. Very strange, but not too bad since I had things to do and certainly did not want to call the police. So I didn’t and just headed back home.

[…]

“And where do you see yourself five years from now?”

Her face. I knew that face with the left eye slightly bigger than the right one. And that strange way of speaking with lots of ups and downs in the melody of her voice. Freckles on the upper left side of her face. So many of them. Oh the question, that’s right. She had asked something about my future. What could I possibly come up with, that wouldn’t sound too obvious? Well, I am not a fortune teller, so how could I know anything about my own existence? I took a sip of water to earn myself more time to answer, gulped and tried to improvise through the gassiness of the bubbles. What can I say? In five years I probably see myself having just come out of jail, a prison convict recovering from her sentence after a collision with a crazy woman on the street…

“All right. Let me help you. I know job interviews can be stressful. But don’t worry. Where do you expect to be heading in the next couple of years?” She was holding a red pencil with white letters on it. Interesting that she had been to the same University I had been to. So many similarities and yet so many differences. My head was spinning. I looked at the wall in front of me. It too, was spinning.

“Eum, in general, I am a very ambitious person. Well, in five years, I see myself, see, see myself eum…”

My eyes perused the volumes on the wall behind. It was indeed a room full of books. All around, the walls were carpeted with novels, manuscripts and pieces of written material. Rather than having an intimidating effect upon me, it befitted me. I was somewhat a literary person.

A second attempt went by. I hopped onto the question train and grabbed another opportunity to answer the question:

“Eum, sraey gnikrow gnisitrevda ycenga maet.” Looking at her was just too much pressure. Slowly, the surrounding temperature increased. A fire was stealing the oxygen around me. I could not deal with this situation anymore. And her face, she, she looked just like me.

She stared.

“Take your time. Try again.”

To that thought, I left through the door.

[…]

When I next checked my Email, it read:

Dear Zoé,

It was a delight to have an interview with you and to learn more about your personality.

Congratulations, you have made it into our team!

Your internship begins next month.

I am looking forward to working with you,

Best,

Eoz

Viciously, the letters of the email stared at me, imposing an aggressive type of authority upon myself. Better not do anything than work for my clone-like alien creature. For the next three nights, I was in a semi-coma state, un légume. The sounds of passing busses and the clock of the church bell did not even wake me up as they usually had custom to do so. Two weeks later, I was sitting on my sofa with a blanket on my knees mumbling some old song lyrics. That woman on the day of my run had not left my mind. She was living there and had installed her tentacles deep into its corners. Suddenly, a knock knocked at the door. No! No one was to be let inside. The only reason I would unlock anything would be to let in the take-out delivery guy. One of them had been kind of cute, so I took his digits and he had stayed for a night or two.

A sequence of numbers appeared on my screen. I looked at the cellphone vibrate. Standing up, I went to the washroom. As I did so, I felt ants crawling up my legs which made me think of the apple, the run, the yellow dog that had all been there the day of the run. Soon enough, I realized there was just too much garbage stacked up in the room. It even started to smell. This had to cease, and I also needed to clear my thoughts. So I blasted on German music and cleaned everything like they do on those TV advertisements with Mr. Clean. I found it authoritative to hear anyone speak German, it made me clean even better. It was a good thing I was doing so because if I ever wanted to have a second chance with the cute guy, then he wouldn’t think I was a dirty person. The doorbell rang. I don’t know why I opened the door. Of course, as soon as I did, she stepped inside.

“I see nothing has changed” she said, as German words blasted into her ears at full volume.

She had never set foot here before. In her left hand, a Starbucks Frappuccino gazed right above a glaring wedding ring. She had nice, chic clothes. Taken aback, I realized I simply could not let that person into this place. Keeping the door-handle in sight, I slipped my shoes on and tied my jacket. “It’s a wonderful day! We must absolutely get out!” And so did we. It took two buses to get to the busiest side of town. Although I wanted to know, I simply could not let myself trust her. There we were, on a terrace by the lake. I ordered myself an entire bottle of red wine. She would not join me for that. She was with a child, was what she said…. Ok. It was better like that anyway, I needed the wine. At some point, she took her coat off. To my surprise, her entire arm was covered with tattoos. Places she had been to, faces she had seen, the name of my favorite Arctic Monkeys album! A melody appeared in my head. Curious, I started asking questions about what she was doing. She had spent a couple of years here and there, for a while she had not really known where she was heading: “Now working as a Creative Director… Advertising Agency….. adopted the local dialect… freelance writer… 29…” sounded like words she could have said.

When I asked about her husband, she stayed quiet. The more I stared at her, the more I was bewitched. She was exactly the person I wanted to become five years into the future from now. “So, what will the baby’s name be?”

“Archibald.”

Well, that would spare me some time in the future thinking about a baby’s name. But why would it matter where I would be in five years? That would be a question I would spend my whole life attempting to answer. When I began to wonder upon it, the sky was blue. When I looked outside again, an artist had painted the night sky. I had pondered upon my life, and the night sky had fallen. Sometimes you can’t control how long you are going to ponder for. Upon the next blink of my eye, she sang a tune. I listened. She sang, I sang. And she sang. And I sang. We rose and left to see the painted sky. And became singers in the night, in broken German, lost upon the lake, in a world that was too large. Too large to handle us both.